Love that sustains…

Today is one of those days when my memory goes back to the place that I’ve grown up, on a Sunday morning, I was just laying down on my bed with the silence as my partner, listening to the sounds of my surroundings. Mangos falling from the tree, hitting over the roof.

A couple roosters celebrating a party with the sun, many chickens walking around, like if they were talking to each other being followed by their offsprings. My family was asleep, and to be specific, my grandma my aunt and my grandpa.

My brothers used to be there with me but they had left, they went back to my mom’s house. It was a day like today. It Was one morning when I was reflecting on what I had and what I had lost. Of course at the age of 15, you would think that the only things to come to the mind of a teenager is to play or maybe about a girlfriend, (cell phones didn’t exist) but one of those mornings, I was wondering why am I was there. And to tell you the truth, I never got an answer to that question.

Wait and see the results of your patience.

The only thing I knew in my heart was this: I trusted completely to the one who loved me more and trusts her decisions, because I know how much my mom had loved me and if she allowed me to live, grow up, and be mentored by my aunts, uncle, grandfather, she must have a good reason for it.

Let me explain a little bit why I was living away from my mother and brothers and the reason why I know my mother loved me deeply. At the age of seven, back in 1972, October, my father passed away and since we are five brothers , the financial issue arrived after that changing life event, and my mother’s family offered help with 3 of us, so she allowed us to go and I guess she cried much over that because she loved us. Sometimes people make decisions over love that seems very strange and opposite to a logic understanding.

My mother had to travel on a bus for three hours to visit us every time she had the chance to go plus the money she had to spend to go and see us, in the beginning once a month, every time at the end of the month when she got her paycheck. Then if I remember well, she started to do it sometimes month a month, then she skipped some others due to financial struggles.

When my brothers graduated from high school they went back to live with her I and got to stayed because I had three years more to go to graduate as well. During those three years, my mother went just a few times to see me and I’ve never doubted any second that my she loved me so much. It wasn’t the time she spent with me that made me feel her love but the liberty I felt, the freedom to be me when she was around, she made me feel as a loved son, a feeling that I couldn’t find in any other place but close to her.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

Now that I am 52, well almost 53, sometimes the question comes to my mind, why am I still here, sometimes I don’t have the answer, but I know there is one who loves me, who really loves me, my God. He allows me to stay here and I am still here and be alive today He must have a good reason for it, and I completely trust in His decisions because I know He loves me.

One of those Sundays I had the same feeling of being suspended in between that what it was, what it could’ve been, what I wish it was, what actually was, and what will I do. So I remember after a few tears to say an amount, I stood up, wash my face, and get ready for another day in the history of my life, then (I know now God loves me), but at that time I didn’t know, and what gave me the strength enough, just stand up one more time, and I am not speaking only from the bed but in my emotions and in my thoughts, was the assurance that my mom loved me, and believe me the breakfast was much better, the coffee that my grandma used to give me, was the best, the hugs and kisses that I received from those around me, felt much better, I lived that day, the best way that I could do it.

So this day I am inviting you to stand up, wash your face and get ready to live your day, the best way you can, give thanks to the Lord because he allows you to be alive and to live where you are, and have what you have, just enjoy it, because really, it doesn’t belong to you, everything belongs to Him, to God be the glory, Amen!